Oh Baby !

I'll Be back, full post Tomorrow.. I promise.

<3>

Im Soo Tired..

Im sooo sick and tired of these cat and mouse games,
Bending & twisting myself to make sure your happy, to keep you around .
Its terrible .this whole situation is terrible & honestly , Im exhausted .
I fell for you something hard, My heart as mentioned in a previous poem ,
was on my sleeve for you , There wasn't anything I wouldn 't do to keep you happy .
to make things work & sadly , you didn't see that.
You meant the world to me , but you didnt see that either .
I guess this is it, reality smacking me in my face , telling me to get out of this dream state
& back to reality .
I guess if your meant to be in my life, your gonna be around.. but Im not pushing it anymore.
im not bending anymore, I can't find myself to do it anymore .
I quit . I give up ... .
I miss you & I miss what could've been .
But Im off that , no more dwelling .

Time to focus on me.

Final Goodbye;

I wear my heart on my sleeve

Cause it was no use in my chest

You couldn't see it when it was at its best.

So I gave it to you .

Rearranged it for you .

& out of all the things in the world,

what's the thing you would do ?

You left .

Cause I wasn't right one night ,

I wasn't at my best .

My emotions ran rapid,

& My heart it beat slow .

Cause of all the things in the world it refuses to let go .

Damn these memories.

Damn these thoughts.

Damn this heartache .

Damn this heart.

It can't breathe,

Your like the respirator ,its you it needs.

Revive it?

So we can relive this .

My family tells me to get it together

but its you I miss .

When Im out its like Deja-vu

Each & every thing I see reminds me of you .

I cant shake it , I cant help it.

I wasn't love, but strong feelings,

I felt it .

Oh the things I would do ,

to solidify a me & you .

I'd put myself aside , & just have you as a focus,

I think about it over & over again

But I admit Im Hopeless.

the thought of something again is worthless.

I say that now , But in the back of my mind,

Behind the entirety of my thoughts,

are the memories of the days

when you ruled my heart.

IM BACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!

i kinda dont like this one.

"Her name is Seraya
& I admit I love her.
Every second of everyday
Im always thinking of her.
She's madd cool & dumb pretty
Im so lucky to have her with me."
No one's ever said that,
or let alone wrote it.
Sometimes I feel like Im not even worth it.
I get a bunch of loose ends,
Walking away with no goodbyes.
Some hugs ,no kisses.
& A bunch of lies.
My heart's a soldier
& its ready for war
but it doesn't want to fight alone anymore.
Its looking for a veteran that knows
the battle like the back of his hand,
an accountable man to steal it like
a vandal & no complication is
too big for him to handle.

Well well well. I was looking through my computadora,
& I found a bunch of old pictures & I just thought I'd share.
Its amazing how much I've changed, lol. But hey thats life.

ITS Me & Sam's 13TH BIRTHDAY PARTY!! LOL




(Im the one with the pink hair if you didn't know lol.)
whyy didnt someone kick me in my face?
& the party was loosely 80's themed.
yet fun, & some kind of weird way we got to the pool
& I ended up in that weird silk looking shirt
in the baby pool lol.

NEXT UP .. GOTH PHASE..



haha, Now someone shouldn't definitely hit me in my face.
At pikesville middle this made people hate me tons!!
But at the time I could care less. I was happy me Me & Sam,
This phase lasted a whileee lol.The lil goth/emo me still lives deep
down inside of yours truly .I actually pulled a guy that worked at hot topic,
lol He liked me.Scary right?

Almost normal? Pt 1


Heyy I remember this. Well I used to listen to a bunch of alternative(fall out boy & the academy is etc)
This was when my best friend moved away & I was practically by myself . You can see the slight change in me. hmm I just wore alot of black & white back then too , Anime was big then for me. I used to be an Inuyasha fiend!!


Normal? pt.2






Ha, when I started to succumb to what everyone else was doing. When I realized that
I couldn't be myself anymore. When I decided I had to be like everyone else..
When I lost my individuality .. :/ Gross.




Almost at the end here..
The preppy phase.

& I hated aeropostale then, & I still do now.The days of terrell & stuff. When me & courtney wore Kiddy barrettes & discovered kid cudi. Nike dunks,Skinny jeans ,Hella colors,the cool kids concert ,& Shwayze . When Fendi Supreme & Brooklyn were born . Fun times.



Madd Recent.




Haha. The days of D.M. & before. I guess I was a mixture of everything.
Most of those pictures were madd recent. When I fell in love with my picture chain
& downtown Baltimore . Post cheerleader days , when I was still at pikesville High :/






THE Conclusion :

Past present future man I'll always be the same old weirdo.If you love me , then you've gotta love my history too.Zee End :]

Well.

Ughh I need a hobby.
This whole night school thing gives me tons of free time,
Im starting to really hate maury & jerry springer.
Its the same old thing every other day.
I hate to admit it but I need like a different life.
I want to go to the aquarium explore downtown & stuff,
Go to like art exhibits & stuff.
Something diffrent.
But back to the hobby idea,
Is it dance? is it basketball?
No clue.
But I have to go back to the good old american hustle,
w/ my grandma's bracelets, shit she needs the business.
I'll keep you posted..
-Seraya